A nuanced approach to gender identity

I completely support transgender rights. This does not mean that there aren't problematic elements of the trans acceptance movement, but apparently I can't point out these problems without being called "trans-exclusionary." So I want to make it clear that I am not criticizing trans people. However, we do need to have discussions about these issues. Here are my views surrounding gender identity (please read the whole thing before you criticize it):

1. If a person defies gender stereotypes, it does not automatically make them transgender. Assuming so only reinforces gender stereotypes. One's sex does not determine their role, nor does one's gender expression determine their gender. Telling someone they should act a certain way because of their genitalia is stupid. Telling someone they should identify a certain way because of the way they express themselves is also stupid. If someone who presents himself femininely says he's a man, respect that. Same goes for women who present themselves in a way that is more masculine. 
2. Gender identity is an individual thing. Say there are two male-bodied people who present themselves femininely. One of them may still identify as a man, while the other may feel more like a woman. Either way, it's not your business.
3. Being transgender doesn't make you special, and being cisgender doesn't make you a conformist.
4. The determining factor in one's gender identity should not be related to looks, behavior, or interests. This is a mistake that many people make.
5. Cisgender and transgender people will not have the same experience, even if they have the same gender identity. To act as if they are interchangeable not only undermines individual differences, but also ignores the reality of gender discrimination.
6. Regardless of how you personally may feel about another person's gender identity, it is best to respect it because they know themselves better you than do.
7. While the problematic aspects of the trans acceptance movement should be acknowledged, they are not nearly as problematic as the violent discrimination that trans people face.